Performing and the Art of Not Losing It

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Photo by Alexis Yurgin

Oh, where has the time gone? After almost two weeks and nine cities, tonight marks the final performance of the Pink Feathers debut tour. The tour as a whole has been a total dream come true. I’ve really enjoyed getting to share my music and meet so many sweet people along the way.

One of the most daunting parts about playing live music is that if you’e doing it right, you’re completely putting yourself out there. The more you give to an audience, the more they will resonate with you and your music. It’s a high risk/high reward endeavor. There are people out there who will just totally get it and make it all worth it. There are also people who will see you and think you don’t deserve to be onstage at all. I would know, because even in this short time I’ve heard it all.

One night in particular on this tour, I got put through the ringer by someone online for my performance with RAC. The words cut particularly deep because it was a show I felt really good about. I felt confident about what I was doing, but someone else thought I was completely awful. Have I just been completely delusional about my own abilities? The more I thought about it, the more humiliated I became. That person’s words morphed into another voice in my head, you know, that inner voice that tells you that you suck over and over again. It’s a dark place to be mentally. And even worse, I had to go back onstage the next night and put on a show all over again. I would have rather disappeared into a black hole.

Thirty minutes out from the Pink Feathers set that night I was a wreck, but as they say, “the show must go on!” I touched up my puffy eyes, took a few deep breaths, put on a smile, and marched out onstage. While I may have had to pretend I was feeling good in the opening song (coincidentally called “Keep Pretending” including the lyrics ‘Your words won’t stop replaying in my head’), the act turned into real enjoyment within seconds. I love singing and putting on a show. I love seeing people in the audience having a great time. I felt totally in my element and all of the awful feelings quickly dissipated.

I’m totally accepting of the fact that not everyone’s going to love my music, voice, persona, whatever. That’s just the nature of music and personal taste. I’m not going to shut myself off from online commentary just because there might be bad stuff out there. I love connecting with fans, getting a general idea of how people are liking the shows, and I want to know what I can improve on, whether it’s seeing a video of a performance on Instagram or reading constructive criticism in a review. This isn’t a business for delicate flowers. The most important thing I learned is that it’s important to take in and learn from the constructive stuff, always improve and never settle, but at the same time believe in and trust in what you’re doing.

All that being said, I couldn’t be more excited and thrilled to play my final Pink Feathers show of this tour tonight in Minneapolis and continue playing with RAC the rest of the way. It’s been an amazing ride and incredible learning experience. Thank you to everyone that came early for the Pink Feathers sets, rocked out and danced with me in the RAC shows, and to all those who came up after shows to say hi or gave a shout online. Your support means everything! Until next time, -L

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  1. Great post!!! I thought you were fantastic with RAC and I think a majority (99.9%) feel that way, so keep doing what you’re doing!

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